I'd like to take a few moments to tell you about a fucked up movie called Twilight. It starts out with this fucked up bitch who just mopes around like she'd rather be in a cemetary cutting herself. Her mom is fucked up, so she goes to live with her dad in a fucked up town. At her new school, she meets a fucked up asian, a chick with big tits, and a vampire. I'm not ruining anything by telling you that because the vampire's face is white and his eyes are weird. He's obviously a fucking vampire, and everyone else in the school is fucked up for not seeing that.
Anyways, he acts fucked up all the time. So, of course, the girl falls in love with him. Yawn. Puke. Die. Ok, I can do this...but I'm gonna 'ruin' it for you. I'm actually doing you a favor if you have not wasted your time on this movie yet and you adopt my opinion without question, which you should.
The vampire guy is supposed to be hot, but I think he's ugly as shit. He has a hard time not killing the girl because of what he is, and he's constantly fighting this internal struggle that makes me want to drink drano and cut my balls off with a sharp rock. I want to make it clear that I hate anyone who doesn't hate this movie.
So, ugly ass vampire boy lives with some other vampires who have all agreed to refrain from people food. They only drink animal blood. They call themselves vegetarians, in fact. There are some indians who seem to know about them and have a problem with them, but who gives a shit. They don't ever do anything about it which makes their character development completely pointless and retarded, unless this is going to be an ongoing story that amounts to nothing more than a bunch of after-school specials put out on DVD and billed as movies, which it is. After too long, some bad vampires come around, and start shit. One of them hurts the girl, and the good vampires kill him. But they forgot about the bad vampire girl.
Whup! End of movie! Fin! WTF?! Don't get me wrong--I'm not complaining that it's over. I just expected an end. The arrogant fucks that made this piece of shit movie made the fact that there will be a sequel so obvious that I want to stick a wire brush up my ass and jump off a bridge onto the freeway.
And the sad thing is, there are enough asshats out there to make it worth their while.
They don't even swear in this movie. And for all you boobie-lovers, forget it. I counted exactly zero boobies in this movie. Ditto for car chases, machine guns, explosions and anything funny. So, if you are an average seventh grader and you haven't seen enough of the world to have anything to compare this to, and if you are retarded, you might want to check out Twilight. I rented mine from Blockbuster. And when I take it back, I'm gonna throw it at the dickweed behind the counter and scream at him in front of a bunch of little kids.
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