MOVIE REVIEW #1--TWILIGHT

I'd like to take a few moments to tell you about a fucked up movie called Twilight. It starts out with this fucked up bitch who just mopes around like she'd rather be in a cemetary cutting herself. Her mom is fucked up, so she goes to live with her dad in a fucked up town. At her new school, she meets a fucked up asian, a chick with big tits, and a vampire. I'm not ruining anything by telling you that because the vampire's face is white and his eyes are weird. He's obviously a fucking vampire, and everyone else in the school is fucked up for not seeing that.

Anyways, he acts fucked up all the time. So, of course, the girl falls in love with him. Yawn. Puke. Die. Ok, I can do this...but I'm gonna 'ruin' it for you. I'm actually doing you a favor if you have not wasted your time on this movie yet and you adopt my opinion without question, which you should.

The vampire guy is supposed to be hot, but I think he's ugly as shit. He has a hard time not killing the girl because of what he is, and he's constantly fighting this internal struggle that makes me want to drink drano and cut my balls off with a sharp rock. I want to make it clear that I hate anyone who doesn't hate this movie.

So, ugly ass vampire boy lives with some other vampires who have all agreed to refrain from people food. They only drink animal blood. They call themselves vegetarians, in fact. There are some indians who seem to know about them and have a problem with them, but who gives a shit. They don't ever do anything about it which makes their character development completely pointless and retarded, unless this is going to be an ongoing story that amounts to nothing more than a bunch of after-school specials put out on DVD and billed as movies, which it is. After too long, some bad vampires come around, and start shit. One of them hurts the girl, and the good vampires kill him. But they forgot about the bad vampire girl.

Whup! End of movie! Fin! WTF?! Don't get me wrong--I'm not complaining that it's over. I just expected an end. The arrogant fucks that made this piece of shit movie made the fact that there will be a sequel so obvious that I want to stick a wire brush up my ass and jump off a bridge onto the freeway.

And the sad thing is, there are enough asshats out there to make it worth their while.

They don't even swear in this movie. And for all you boobie-lovers, forget it. I counted exactly zero boobies in this movie. Ditto for car chases, machine guns, explosions and anything funny. So, if you are an average seventh grader and you haven't seen enough of the world to have anything to compare this to, and if you are retarded, you might want to check out Twilight. I rented mine from Blockbuster. And when I take it back, I'm gonna throw it at the dickweed behind the counter and scream at him in front of a bunch of little kids.

What's up with me

Here's my answer to those who would ask me, "What's up?"

Here's what I'm currently doing besides work and sleep:

1. R/C car racing--Izzy and I built a car, and Wednesday nights are races.
   
2. Building glider--It should be done by summer. I started in early 2005.
   
3. Climbing--Sam and I are learning to climb at Stonegardens.
4. Weightlifting--I've been doing this for over 4 years.
5. Bicycling--I got a new bike, and Sam and I have started riding.
6. Running--I just started running again. Today I broke a record for suck.
   
7. Tin whistle--I have been learning/playing for about a year.
8. Reading--I'm on book 7 of 7 in the Dark Tower series. I couldn't not read a series that started with, "The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed." Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn are next up on the list. I'm going to focus on more culturally and historically significant writers. History is becoming interesting to me, also. I find it interesting and frightening, but enlightening to compare the past to the present.
   

Here's what's coming up soon:

1. Wedding--Sam and I are planning our wedding for next March.
2. PCT--We're planning a 2 week backpacking trip in August.
3. Hiking and Scrambling--Summer is just around the corner.
4. Motorcycling--I have a bike to get running, and one that needs serious work.
   

Here's what's on the list:

1. Mountaineers Basic Climbing--intense course covering rock and glacier.
2. Scuba diving--who wouldn't want to learn that?
3. Flying--I intend to get my certificate and instrument rating at some point.
4. Build a workshop--This is very important and makes more things possible.
   
5. Kayaking--This is too much fun. Gotta do it more. I want to build one, too.
   
6. Snowboarding--Also have to do more.
7. Skiing--I have to try this. It just makes too much sense.
   
8. Skateboarding--I'm going to build a halfpipe in our yard.
9. Learn to weld--I must learn this skill, and I must build a chopper.
10. Programming--I know a lot already, but it takes so much time!
11. Muscle car--I will build one. I don't know what kind, yet.
12. Boat--Every American man who is me should have a boat.
13. Guns--I need to renew my permit, get a couple of guns and go shooting!
14. Travel--Alaska, Hawaii, Ireland, the Pyrenees mountains (for Sam)
15. Sewing--I want to learn to sew.
16. Fiddle and Banjo--These are immensely cool and I will learn to play them.
    

And if I make lots of money, which doesn't happen to people who say things like, "...if i make lots of money":

1. Yacht--I'd like to be the guy in the Locks, instead of the guy watching him.
2. Airplane--Owning my own plane would be pretty cool. I'd like, fly places.
   
3. Mansion--A big place with a pool or two, a gym, an indoor skatepark, an outdoor skatepark, a runway, a dock for my Boat(s), a movie room, a trampoline, a gun range, a bidet.
4. Murder--Certain people would disappear.
   

And finally, here's what I've been neglecting:

1. Mowing the lawn--The stupid grass grows faster than I feel like cutting it.
2. Cleaning my truck--It's a mess inside and out.
3. Cleaning the room on my side of the bed--I promptly remove food, though.
   
4. Taking the trailer to the dump--it's been loaded with crap for months.
5. Getting rid of junk--our storage shed is PACKED. I mean it. PACKED.
6. Fixing stuff I broke--I need to fix an innocent TV table that I broke.
7. Walking my dogs--They need more time to be dogs.
8. Clothes shopping--I hate shopping for clothes. It takes forever.
9. Going to the dentist--I need to go and get some shots and drilling.

That's the jist of it. What's up with you?

Climbing

I was afraid for my life today. That hasn't happened to me very many times, but you sure don't forget it when it does. Your heart pounds and you can feel the adrenaline pumping through you. And then afterward, you're all shaky and trying to calm down. I'm getting a little amped just thinking about it.

Lately, Sam and I have kicked around the idea of learning how to rock climb at a climbing gym. It's great exercise, goes hand in hand with the hiking and scrambling we do, and would also be a great activity for Izzy, (Sam's 7 year old daughter.) So today we decided to go for it. We headed down to Stone Gardens in Ballard this morning and purchased an hour with an instructor and gear--pretty reasonable at $43.00 total for 2 non-members. She's never done it before, and I've only done it once at REI a long time ago. So we don't know dick.

We did, however, meet Matt. He technically wasn't there to instruct us, but just to belay us. (That means hold the rope so we don't die.) But he gave us lots of pointers, and made the whole thing fun. I especially liked the part where Sam wanted down, and he told her he wouldn't let her down until she got on top of the next ledge. And the part where she started complaining about her arms, and he said, "We can't hear you. Just climb to the top!"

Sam did great, though. She climbed to the top of a couple of walls--I was very proud! I did too, but the last one was where the excitement happened. Matt told me I should try the automatic belay. This is a small metal box hanging from the ceiling, (pretty freakin' high), by the top of the wall. It has a nylon web strap coming out of it that runs down to an anchor on the ground. You unhook it from the ground, hook it to your harness and start climbing. If you let go or fall, it's supposed to only let out the 'rope' at a certain speed--so you can rappel down the rock. I didn't trust it. He told me it was safer than having him belay me, but that was a waste of his breath. Then he said to climb up about 10 feet and test it. For you metric system fanatics, that's how high a basketball hoop is. So I get there and he tells me to go a little farther. Apparently you need to start falling for it to start applying tension and slow you down. This is falling backwards off the wall, mind you. I did it, and it worked, but it was scary as hell. It also lets you down a little faster than I was comfortable with. Then I let him talk me into climbing farther. For some stupid reason, summit fever I guess, I decided to continue all the way to the top--maybe 30 or 40 feet. At that point I had no alternative but to let myself fall backwards and trust that I wouldn't just plummet to my death. It's pretty hard to believe that the rope won't just come out of that little box as fast as you pull it. I had to overcome my silly little survival instinct to do that, and when I finally made the decision to let go, I got a serious jolt of adrenaline--so much so that I had to really focus just to perform the relatively simple task of rapelling. My heart was pounding so hard I was seeing white pulses in my head and when I got to the bottom, I was shaking. Maybe I'm just a weenie.

The climbing was hella fun, and I look forward to learning more about it and getting better. And I'm really happy that Sam liked it too. But I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust those damn automatic belays!